New Delhi

The trip starts off with a minor catastrophe. I lost an AirPod to the inner mechanisms of my reclining business class chair. It’s a first world problem, sure. But annoying nonetheless. On the bright side, British Airways managed NOT to lose my suitcase OR send it to the wrong airport this time, so there’s no need for another Edinburgh News feature. Happy days!

Emerging from the airport doors, my first experience of New Delhi is almost stepping on a dead rat. Welcome to India! My hotel is basic (apparently stars mean fuck all here). Plus the manager takes great pleasure in telling me I’ve been complimentary upgraded to a deluxe suite, complete with a window. I dread to think what my original room was like. After checking in, I’m handed a welcome basket which includes a meagre tube of toilet roll with enough paper to wipe the arse of a small hamster. If there’s ever a country where you need an ample supply of loo roll, it’s this one! 

I step out into the mayhem that is New Delhi and am instantly overwhelmed. The heat, the people, the noise, the traffic. It’s impossible to walk two feet without being questioned, scammed, stared at, or asked for a photo. I’m also surprised by the lack of tourists. I assumed there would be lots of other foreigners and I could blend in, but I stick out like a sore thumb. 

I jump in a tuk tuk and head to the meet up point for my first food tour of the holiday. People warn you about the craziness that is Delhi traffic, but nothing prepares you for the sheer carnage and deafening noise! Crossing the street here is a game of chicken. You’re supposed to just put your hand out and walk, like Moses. Or wait until a local crosses and use them as a human shield. 

I’m joined on the food tour by a lovely Australian couple from Melbourne. Over the next 4 hours, our guide JD takes us on a street food journey through the manic streets of Old Delhi. We try samosas, parathas, jalebi and some delicious vegetarian curries. He also takes us into some temples, including one that has the largest community kitchen in Delhi which is open 24/7 365. We try our hand at rolling chapatis (which I’m sure don’t make it past quality control). 

JD recommends a piano bar in South Delhi with live music, so I head there later that evening with my new Aussie pals. We watch a couple of sets and have a few cocktails before calling it a night. At this point I haven’t slept in over 30 hours, so I’m asleep as soon as my head hits the pillow. 

The next morning I check out some of the tourist attractions in the south of the city, including India Gate and one of the old step wells used to store water. Discovering tuk tuks could be ordered on Uber was the highlight of my day. Each ride costs about 70p and there’s no need to negotiate a fare and end up paying triple the price. New Delhi is not a pedestrian friendly city, so walking is pretty much out of the question here. 

I stop for lunch at a cafe in a crafts museum and order the Palak Patta Chaat (potatoes and chickpeas with spiced yoghurt and chutney) served with crispy spinach leaves for dipping. Absolutely delicious. 

After lunch, I visit Humayun’s Tumb followed by Safdarjung’s Tumb. I spend the afternoon being hounded by groups of adolescent boys either directly asking me for photos, or very indiscreetly getting their pals to take photos of them with me in the background. It’s like they’ve never seen a white girl before. I’m glad my Dundee Junior Showtime stage school years didn’t lead me to a life of stardom. Fame is not for me and I feel uncomfortable for most of the day. 

That evening I head to Indian Accent restaurant for a tasting menu. It’s £50 for 6 courses, which is an absolute steal by our standards. Plus the food is ridiculously good. It would’ve been even better with a glass of wine, but it’s crazy expensive here, and it’s not even good quality. So looks like I’ll be sticking to beer and cocktails and gin this holiday. Tough life.