Mexico City Part 1

​México City Day 1: Taco’d off ma tits!

After a pretty shocking nights sleep, I start the day with a coffee on my balcony. It’s a pretty wet and miserable day, so it’s not the end of the world that I don’t have my suitcase full of summer clothes!

I’d booked a street food tour in the city centre at 1130 so I kill some time by visiting the Palacio de Bellas Artes and the cathedral. I light a candle and pray for the speedy return of my suitcase (as well as for the health and happiness of my family and friends, obvs). 

At 1130 I’m met by my food tour guide, Ricardo. I’m the only one booked on the tour today, which is always a good thing and a bad thing. Good in that it’s a private tour for cheap, bad in that part of the experience is to meet other travellers. But Ricardo and I hit it off, and what is supposed to be a 2-3 hour tour takes us 4. 

What I liked about this tour is that it took me to stalls I’d never have gone to by myself. Apparently street food stalls here are like Russian roulette. It’s always a gamble whether you end up shitting your pants. Luckily for me, someone’s done the road testing! 

Our first stop has us weaving through a busy market to a stall serving quesadillas. Ricardo orders me a blue corn quesadilla with chicharrón y queso (fried pork and cheese). It’s my first taste of Mexican food and it’s every bit as delicious as expected. Next up it’s another road side stall serving tacos de birria (slow cooked lamb) which is served with a consommé which you typically dip the taco into. Messy business. I’m kicking myself for buying a white tshirt at the airport. 

Third stop is Taqueria Los Paisas, which is a stall very popular with the locals. Here the speciality is tacos campechano, which is a mix of different meats. They have a self serve topping station which includes, rather bizarrely, mashed potato. 

I’m getting pretty full at this point, but we’re only half way through! The fourth stop is tamales. I have to be honest, it’s not a dish I’ve ever really loved. I find it stodgy and bland. But I’m British and therefore too polite for my own good, so I eat it and make all the right noises.

We make a quick, and unnecessary, stop for some chicharrón (pork scratchings) before continuing onto our final stop which is in the Mercado San Juan. We order a plate of ceviche and some beers, but I’m so full that I can only manage a couple of mouthfuls. At this point it’s 15:30, and I have a taco tour starting at 19:00. No way in hell I’m going to be ready to eat again that soon! 

In an attempt to digest my food and work up another appetite, I take a walk around the historic centre. It’s chaotic and stressful, pretty much as you’d expect any city centre of a Latin American capital city! 

I feel physically sick at the prospect of eating more food. But I’m a fucking trooper, so off I trot to my next tour. I’m joined by a group of 6 Dutch men, who turn out to be a great laugh and we have a cracking night. I won’t bore you with the details of all the stops, there’s only so many ways you can describe a taco (check out my food insta if you’re interested). But they were delicious! I did find the tour a little rushed. We left beers half full in every taqueria because we were ushered from joint to joint. We ended the night with a mezcal tasting and a mezcal cocktail. The night was supposed to end with another taco joint, but we all mutually decide to bail cause we felt like we may actually die. It was even too much food for 6”5 Dutch men!

The evening ends perfectly with a call from BA Mexico to say my case is in a taxi on its way to my apartment. I rush home and sit eagerly watching for its arrival on my balcony. I cannot tell you how relieved I am knowing that I don’t have to do another 3 week holiday where I’m washing my pants in the sink every few days.

Mexico City Day 2: Coyocan, San Angel, Condesa

After another shitty 5 hours sleep, I brave the metro and head south to the Coyoacan area. They actually have parts of the platform and trains exclusively for women. It’s sad that it’s even necessary, but it’s nice not to have the inappropriate stares and comments. Especially now that I’m world famous after appearing in the Daily Record. 

I instantly like the Coyoacan neighbourhood. It’s the oldest colonial area of Mexico City, so it’s full of pretty buildings, and a much slower and less stressful pace of life! I head to Madre Cocina Mexicana in the Mercado de Coyoacan. It’s a popular food stall serving traditional Mexican breakfasts, including Chilaquiles, which are basically little fried corn tortillas stuffed with your choice of meat (I went for cochinita) and a choice of salsas. It’s a heavy dish for breakfast, but I don’t plan on eating again until dinner! I learnt my lesson yesterday. The meal, which I had with a cinnamon spiced coffee, cost me £4.

Like everywhere else in the city, the neighbourhood is gearing up for Día de los Muertos, so there’s decorations everywhere which gets me really excited for the upcoming festivities! I check out the local church where I thank the good lord for delivering my suitcase as asked. I light another candle and ask him to deliver me a man. Worth a shot. 

I grab a stuffed churro (I choose dulce de leche) for my 30 minute walk to the next neighbourhood, San Angel. Another cute area with cobbled streets and colourful buildings. My feet are throbbing at this point so I stop at a courtyard restaurant/bar where I order my first (but certainly not my last) margarita of the holiday. 

I jump in an Uber and head to the La Condesa/Roma area. Its a popular area for tourists to stay, so it’s very bohemian and hipster. Reminds me a lots of Medellín in Colombia with lots of greenery and boujee cafes and restaurants on every corner. It has a nice feel to it. I’m exhausted at this point to head back to my apartment for a couple of hours to rest. 

For dinner I’d booked a restaurant called Meroma. As much as I love tacos, you can have too much of a good thing, so I thought I’d have a little break and a proper sit down meal. I’m sat beside a large group of American douchebags who talk incessantly about working out and protein targets. I order a mezcal mule and the lamb and aubergine dish which is tasty, but don’t think it warranted the £40 bill at the end. 

After dinner I check out Limantour cocktail bar, which has just been voted in the worlds top 50 bars of the world for 2023. Because of this, there’s a celebration and all cocktails are free (and unlimited). Finally, my luck is turning! I ordered the margarita al pastor, which is quite possibly one of the best I’ve had anywhere. The bar itself is a little wanky though, so I only have the two before heading home to sleep as I’m up at 6am for a tour tomorrow. 

British Airways Balls-up!

​Disclaimer: I make no apology for the sheer amount of profanities in this post! 

Well what a fabulous fucking start to the holiday. Red Rhiannon came out earlier than expected after an immense fuck up by the most incompetent airline on the planet. Yes, I’m talking about you fuckwits,  British Airways. 

I arrive promptly for my 10am flight from Edinburgh to Heathrow and head to the the bag drop. I hand the lady my passport and she asks where I’m flying to. HEATHROW I say. She tags my bag, it goes on the belt, and off I go on my merry way for my first of many alcoholic beverages. As I’m boarding my flight, I whip out my passport, only to spot the luggage tag stuck to the back page reads “London City Airport 08:50”. No no no no no. That’s not right. I question the lady at the gate who checks the system, confirms my case isn’t on the plane but that it has landed safely in London City. She shrugs her shoulders and says there’s nothing she can do for me. A number of expletives leave my mouth at this point, but at the risk of being denied entry, I quickly board the plane where I tell anyone who’ll listen how fucking useless BA are. The cabin crew are baffled and have never heard the like. 

On landing I receive a call from London City who tell me they have my bag. Great, so you’ve got 4 hours to get it to Heathrow in a taxi then yeah? Errr no, we’ll do our best to get it on the next flight out though…

I head straight for the BA lost baggage desk and explain my situation. Again, they’re perplexed at how this even happened. It transpires that the checkin agent in Edinburgh only looked at my surname, saw there was a Steve Davies flying to London city, and checked me in as him! Ah yes good morning, I’m Steve Davies, yes the famous snooker player, yes that’s right travelling to city airport for a major tournament in London. Come on to fuck lady! Wake up! That’s security at its best right there folks! 

The lady at the lost baggage desk tells me they’ll do their best to get my bag to Mexico but there’s no guarantees it’ll be on the next flight out. She hands me my tracking number and starts to explain the system. “I’ll stop you right there, Sandra. I’m only too familiar with your bloody tracking system, I checked it every day for 3 weeks solid when you lost my suitcase on a flight to Argentina this time last year. And fyi, I never saw that suitcase again in my life, so you’ll excuse me for not believing a word that comes out your mouth.”

Fuming, I head through security, buy some essential toiletries and a £40 basic tshirt from Reiss (there are other high end luxury brands available at Heathrow) and head to the airport lounge I’d booked. A lounge I can enjoy for only 30 minutes at this point given time wasted. Challenge fucking accepted! 

While waiting to board my flight, which is 2 hours delayed (course it is, why wouldn’t it be?) I email some local newspapers in Edinburgh. For two reasons mainly. 1. I want everyone to know how incompetent BA are and 2. The papers have a better chance of a response out of BA than I do! Both papers call me within minutes of my email asking for the full story. Am I slightly mortified that my face is all over Edinburgh Live next to a woman who is appalled she was charged £15 for pumpkins? Yes. Do I give a fuck! No. 

Anyway. At least I’ve got one clean pair of pants for my first day in Mexico. Let’s hope the food doesn’t upset my stomach, cause then we’ve got a real situation on our hands! Fingers crossed my case arrives tonight! 

Iguazu: Waterfalls and wine

 Day 11: Puerto Iguazu 

Today was a travel day, so not much excitement to report! I checked out of my Airbnb at 12 and arrived in Iguazu at 9pm. Annoyingly there’s no direct flights to Iguazu from Salta so I had to fly back to Buenos Aires. 

I’m staying in Puerto Iguazu as it’s the most convenient location for accessing Iguazu Falls. It’s like night and day compared to everywhere else I’ve been so far. It feels a little tacky, I’m not a fan.

I’m dying for a beer, so set out to find a bar. I arrive at what feels like “the strip” and pick the first place I see, battling through the touts trying to entice me to eat in their restaurants. Yup, definitely Costa del sol vibes! I pick the first bar I see. A beer is a beer at the end of the day! I decide to skip dinner tonight, it’s late and I could do with a lighter calorie day! 

Day 12: Iguazu Falls (Argentina side)

After stopping off at Excelso for a coffee and a cheese and ham omelette, I jump on the bus headed to the Iguazu Falls, the world’s largest set of waterfalls and one of the 7 wonders of the world.

The most famous walking route, the garganta del diablo, is closed for repair due to heavy flooding, but there’s two other good trails that offer spectacular views of the waterfalls. I’ve seen a lot of beautiful sights since I’ve been in Argentina, but this is probably the most impressive. And there was the clearest rainbow just below one of the waterfalls. Pretty magical.

I was told by many people that the boat ride under the falls is an unmissable experience. They weren’t wrong. It starts with a 20 minute truck ride through the jungle as you try to spot toucans and jaguars. We didn’t see anything other than lizards and butterflies, which are literally everywhere in the park. Next up is the boat ride where they drive you right up to the falls and you get some of the best views from the river. We’re then taken right under them and get absolutely drenched. Luckily someone told me to take a change of clothes (easier said than done in my situation) so I didn’t have to walk around in wet clothes for the rest of the afternoon. 

That evening I head to Aqva restaurant for dinner. It’s a 30 minutes wait for a table, but while I’m sat waiting I get chatting to a girl called Jo, who lives in London. She’s travelling Peru, Argentina and Brazil for 6 weeks. We instantly hit it off so decide to have dinner together and spend the whole night chatting about our previous travels. Her luggage also never arrived (she flew BA from Heathrow) so she feels my pain! Her case arrived 3 weeks later, which gives me some degree of hope that I may see mine again! 

For dinner we both order local river fish which is a nice change from meat. We swap numbers and agree to meet for drinks and dinner again the next night. 

Day 12: Iguazu Falls (Brazil side) 

I set off early this morning for the bus to the Brazil side of the falls, as I was told the border can be quite time consuming to cross. There is only one trail on the Brazil side, so it only takes me an hour, but you get a very different perspective of the waterfalls compared to Argentina so it’s definitely worth the trip. Just be prepared to battle your way through a swarm of selfie sticks. On this side you can get right up close to the biggest waterfall in the park, and the noise is pretty deafening!  They’re taller and twice as wide as Niagra with over 275 waterfalls. Pretty epic! 

As I have time to kill before my bus back, I head to the bird sanctuary. Finally I get to see some toucans, after seeing none in the jungle yesterday. 

That night I meet up with Jo and 5 other people she’d met on her tour that day, including Cedric and his nephew Matt from Houston Texas. We meet at Patanegra for dinner, which is a really cool bar/restaurant with a pool and live music. We have some great conversation over a couple bottles of Malbec and an awesome ribeye steak (there was never any other choice for my last meal here!)

While I’m sad my trip is over, I’m also absolutely exhausted and really looking forward to not hand washing my pants in the sink every night. 

I now have a long day with 4 flights ahead of me until home. Iguazu > Buenos Aires > Madrid > London > Edinburgh. I fully intend on finding an Iberia desk and I shan’t be moving until they tell me where the fuck my case is! Let’s hope Santa brings it back to me for Christmas.

Until my next adventure…

Salta: Mountains, music and more meat!

Day 7: Salta 

I arrive in Salta at around 1pm, just in time for lunch. It’s overcast here, and only 23 degrees (that’s just a good Scottish summer). I’m surprised because everyone kept telling me how unbearably hot Salta would be. My Airbnb host tells me it’s been 40+ the past few days, so hopefully it improves. 

Salta is famous for its empanadas, so I head straight to Dona Salta for lunch and order two empanadas and humitas. Not bad, but nothing special. The best thing on the table was the fresh tomato salsa which I spoon liberally over everything. 

I have 90 minutes to see the town before the England game starts. Perfectly doable at my pace. I instantly like Salta a lot. It has a nice small town feel to it and it’s one of the prettiest I’ve been to so far. After wandering around the town square, I hop on the cable car up to Cerro San Bernardo. It’s possible to walk up the hill, but I learnt my lesson from last time, so I take the lazy option with the cable car!After taking some mandatory photos, I head straight for the nearest pub as the England v France game is about to start! 

The pub is rammed! I feel like there’s more tourists here than the other places I’ve visited so far though. Which is fine, unless those tourists are, you guessed it…French! I can never escape them wherever I go! I would’ve liked England to win, but I feel less gutted about travelling home during the final. Can you imagine if it were an Argentina v England final and I would have just missed it!

Before dinner that night, I head to Paseo Balcarce where there are lots of bars. I sit on the terrace at Gintoneria where it’s 2 for 1 happy hour. I try the local gin which is pretty decent. 

My evening meal tonight is at Jose Balcarce and its one of the tastiest I’ve had on my trip so far. To start, I ordered a single empanada. I like to try them everywhere I go, but also don’t want to ruin my appetite, so one is enough. For main it’s pork with pumpkin mash and a sweet and sticky sauce. I know everyone raves about Argentine beef, but I tell you what, their pork is incredible! This is the second pork dish I’ve had while I’ve been here and both have been stand out plates of food. 

Day 8: Purmamarca 

The next morning I head to Hertz to pick up my hire car. Although I ordered a sat nav, I’m told they’ve none left. I briefly throw my toys out of the pram before I realise I can use my offline map for navigation. The maps.me app is an absolute life saver by the way, until it takes you down roads that don’t exist that is…

I set off in my Chevrolet, which has the highest biting point of any car ever. Cue LOTS of revving! It takes me about 2.5 hours to get to Purmamarca where I’m spending the evening. I stop briefly in the town square to grab a tortilla rellena de queso y jamón (basically their version of a cheese and ham toastie done on the bbq). I then spend the next hour traversing the steep windy roads to reach Salinas Grandes - the salt flats. Large parts of the road are completely impassable on one side due to fallen rocks. Cue a fun game of chicken! I’m so glad I decided to rent a car as opposed to doing a bus tour here as that would’ve been torture! 

When I eventually arrive at the salt flats I’m a little disappointed I won’t lie. It’s basically a massive pool of shallow water. I’m from Scotland. That’s my day to day view! I know it’s only because I’m visiting in summer - i’m sure it’s a lot more impressive at the right time of year. Nonetheless I take the customary actions photos before the one hour drive back to the village. 

I check into my Eco Cabin where I’m greeted by Greta and Gontar, the resident dogs. It’s not long before I’ve adopted them as my own and they’re in my cabin on my bed. 

I spend the next couple of hours walking around the town and climbing the viewpoints of the 7 coloured hills. It’s such a beautiful spot, and pictures don’t do it justice. I buy a very large bottle of local beer on my walk home and sit on my porch with my pooches and my mountain views. 

On suggestion of my Airbnb host, I check out Los Morteros for dinner. The venue itself is nice, with a massive wood burning fire which I imagine is really nice in the winter months. I order two empanadas to start - one beef and one goats cheese. Both have my seal of approval. My waitress recommends the llama stew. I haven’t had llama before, and as an ex vegetarian, I’m hesitant. But, when in Rome…

To be honest, if you hadn’t told me what it was, it could’ve been any other type of meat. It wasn’t a memorable meal. To top it off, I ordered a glass of red wine and was told they didn’t have any wine by the glass left. I take a look around, bottles of wine lining the walls. It’s not difficult love, just bloody open one and charge by the glass! 

After dinner I let the music be my guide and I’m drawn to a bar with a live guitarist/singer. Well, I couldn’t possibly spend a day here without drinking any wine now could I? I order a Malbec and spend an hour watching the musician and making friends with the clientele - a group of old women from Argentina, a couple from Brazil and a couple from Chile. The guitarist goes around the room after every song asking for requests. Ermmm, do ya ken 500 miles?! 

I have to set off in the car early the next morning so I head back to my cabin for an early night. My guard dogs keep me up most of the night with their barking, but I still love them. 

Day 9: Humahaca and Tilcara 

I have a long day of driving ahead of me today, so I get up at the crack of dawn and drive 2 hours to the 14 coloured hill. It’s only an hour to Humahaca, but it takes an additional hour to drive the 15 miles from there up the winding roads to the scenic lookout. I use the word road very loosely, as most of the way is unpaved and very slow to traverse in a standard car. The sensible thing would have been to pay for a 4x4 transport in the town centre, but I think we’ve established by now that I’m anything but sensible. Because it’s so early, I see very few other cars on the road at this point. I’ve got visions of me getting a puncture and being totally stranded! After what feels like an age, I make it to the viewpoint. The air is pretty thin at the top, being 4350 metres above sea level. Walking up hill is hard! I’m hoping it’s all due to the altitude as opposed to my lack of exercise over the last 10 days. 

Although the drive was worth it, I think I picked the wrong time of day to visit due to the positioning of the sun, as the colours of the mountain weren’t as visible. But still a pretty incredible sight. 

The next stop is the little town of Tilcara where I stop for a wander and lunch at El Patio. Craving something light, I order a salad. It’s basic, but I exactly what was needed! The plan was to drive a few miles to la garganta del diablo, a waterfall on the outskirts of town. This is where my offline map loses the plot, creating roads that just don’t exist. After 15 minutes of driving around in circles, I give up and begin my 3 hour journey back to Salta capital. 

I have to return the car full so I stop at a petrol station. It costs me £18 to fill the tank. £18! And they even wash your windscreen while they fill your tank. 

I feel like it’s been at least 2 days since I had steak, so for dinner that night I head to El Charrua for a nice juicy sirloin and salad. You don’t need to order any sides when you order steak here as the cuts are massive!

Day 10: Cachi

It’s pissing down this morning, perfect timing for my full day scenic trip to the town of Cachi. Not very scenic when you can see fuck all for clouds, which was unfortunately the case when we arrived at the Cuesta del Obispo lookout. Google it, its a massive green valley and looks stunning. It did not look like that when I was there! 

Typically the weather clears an hour later when we arrive at the next stop, Parque Nacional Los Cardones. It’s an enormous cactus field on one side with beautiful coloured mountains on the other. The landscape changes so drastically in such a short distance here. 

The final stop is the town of Cachi where we have lunch, which is a typical stuffed pepper dish with beef and rice. I make friends with the only other English speaking person, Emily, who is from New Zealand and we spend the next hour wandering around the village. It doesn’t take us long, there’s not much to see! 

We hop back on the bus to return to Salta. Argentina are playing Croatia in the semi-final at 4pm so the tour guide asks the group if we want to stop somewhere to watch the game. I can’t imagine a tour company anywhere else in the world diverting an entire tour group to watch a football game, but this is Argentina where football is life. I’m obviously thrilled about it, as I was gutted at the prospect of missing the match. So, we stop at a petrol station cafe to watch Argentina win. At this point I’m seriously contemplating changing my flight to a day later so I’m here for the final! 

As expected, the roads are hell on the way back to Salta as people line the streets celebrating. When we arrive back to town, I attempt to make my way to the square to watch the celebrations. I only get so far before I’m faced with a wall of people and give up trying to go any further. Absolutely nuts! 

I expected the atmosphere in the town to be buzzing after the win, but the bars are fairly quiet. It seems the locals celebrate in the hours after the game, and possibly continue the party at home where it’s cheaper. 

Tonight, I head to a local Peña, La Casona de Molino. These are traditional Argentinian gatherings with food, drink and folklore music. 

It’s about 2km outside of town, and bit of a trek from the more touristy bars and restaurants. From what I can see it’s all local people, and I’m the only tourist, which I love. It feels far more authentic than some of the other peñas in the city centre. 

I sit down at the table beside the large outdoor grill so I can watch the chef in action. I can feel the heat of the flames from where I’m sitting, so lord knows how this poor sod is coping. Plus, this is a big place, and he’s the only one cooking. The grill is stacked high with different cuts of meats at any one time, so I’ve no idea how he keeps tracks of what’s ready! 

I have no choice but to order a steak! It arrives on the medium to well done side, not that i’m surprised given how many he’s juggling. Still, it’s bloody delicious, perfectly charred on the outside and very well seasoned. 

Suddenly, the group of men at the table behind me whip out their guitars and drums and start singing some traditional Argentinian songs. During their break, I ask if they work here or whether anyone can bring their guitars and play. They tell me they’re paid to play each night and then ask if I’m alone. When I tell them yes they insist that I join them at their table, so now I have the best seat in the house. They’re a really lovely bunch of guys, and very talented musicians. We drink and chat away in between sets until about 1230. It was definitely one of the more memorable nights I’ve had on my trip and one I’ll always remember. 

I’ve loved the Salta province, and it’s probably been my favourite area of my trip so far. Beautiful scenery, amazing food and lovely people. Now it’s onto my final stop, Iguazu. 

Mendoza: Gauchos, goals and gallons of wine

 Day 4: Mendoza city 

So today I discovered Argentinian low cost airlines are shit. Surprising I know. The plane is delayed an hour, and when it finally arrives, we’re informed the aircon is broken and it’s a fully booked flight. The overhead oxygen mask compartments are stuck down with sticky tape and peeling at the ends. BUT, in more positive news, I still had my hand luggage after the flight!

I arrive in Mendoza and its HOT! Sweltering heat aside, I already feel more comfortable here than Buenos Aires. The pace is far more relaxed and it’s a much more manageable size! I head straight for lunch at Fuente y Fonda, where I break from tradition and order pork with sweet potato mash and mustard sauce. The portion is ridiculously huge so I only manage half. It’s served with bread, salad, and they even through in a choice of dessert. I opt for the queso y dulce (literally translates as cheese and sweet) which is becoming my favourite thing here.  It’s basically a slice of cheese with a gelatin like jam on top. It’s so basic, but so delicious! The whole meal, with wine, costs me £10. Bargain! 

Having seen most of the city in 30 minutes, I decide to walk out to Cerro de la Gloria, a small hill which is a 4 or 5 kilometre walk. I figure I’ll walk there and taxi back. Boy did I live to regret that decision. It was an afternoon of mistakes, particularly deciding to embark on the trek during the hottest part of the day, and discovering there was practically zero shade on the route. Unsurprisingly, I passed no-one else on my way. But at this point I’m committed, albeit starting to worry about heat stroke.

I was so relieved to arrive at the foot of the hill until it dawned on me that I had to climb the damn thing! Being honest, I was THIS close to calling it a day and heading back to town. But I’d come this far! So I struggle on, the water in my bottle about to melt the plastic. 

The reward wasn’t worth the effort. Even if I had been met at the top with a naked Channing Tatum pouring a bucket of ice cold water over my head and handing me a pint, I still wouldn’t have done it. I ask the police officer at the top the easiest way back to town. He responds by asking why I don’t just jump back on the people carrier that carts tourists back and forth from the centre. When I tell him

I walked here he looks at me like I have 3 heads. Yes officer, I know, I’m a knobhead!

After my narrow escape from death, I head home to take a cold shower and relax then enjoy a lovely cocktail at Gingger before heading to Azafrán for dinner. Its definitely more on the fine dining side than the places I’ve eaten at so far. But I like to mix it up wherever I go. 

I’m poured a sparkling wine as I sit down and given a pre dinner snack - a goats cheese macaron. It’s both sweet and savoury and absolutely bloody delicious. We’re off to a good start! Next is the beef tartare with egg yolk and qinuoa crumb. Erm, yes please. Followed by goat, black garlic and potato crisps. Really tasty, but super rich and definitely bigger than it needed to be! For main, it’s hake with pesto and beans. This was definitely my favourite course of the evening! But again, the portions size is ridiculous, I’ve never seen a hake so big in my life! Too full for dessert, I enjoy the complimentary Dulce de leche chocolate and coffee before heading home to bed. The whole meal, with wine pairings, cost around £70. 

Day 5: Lujan de Cuyo

The next morning, after my daily medialuna and coffee, I jump in a taxi and head 20 minutes south to Chacras de Coria, my base for the next two days. This is proper wine country, and the whole reason for my visit! My Airbnb host, Raul, is super friendly and insists on driving me to the bike rental place. Once there, I’m given a bike and a map and sent on my merry way! Well, the merry part comes later…

The bike paths are sporadic and I found myself cycling on roads most of the time. That’s probably because I went beyond the boundaries of the map I was given to visit the bodega I had booked for lunch. I never like to do things the easy way, as you’ve probably realised by now. But it’s all part of the experience! 

My first stop is Bodega Viamonte. The setting is incredible against the backdrop of the Andes mountains. It’s so beautiful it doesn’t looks real, like you’re looking at a postcard. The photos don’t do it justice. My wine flight includes three wines, one white and two reds. I knock them back in quick succession - no fannying around. I’ve got more wineries to visit! 

My next stop is a 30 minute cycle in sweltering heat and no shade. Theme of the trip. But at least if I pick up the speed I have the breeze to keep me cool. Plus, think of all the meat and empanadas calories I’m burning!

I arrive at Bodega Renacer and it’s just as beautiful as the first. Only this one has DOGS. I’m in heaven. Here I enjoy a 3 course lunch, beginning with the most incredible burrata salad I’ve ever had in my life. I think it was the macerated strawberries and the orange vinegarette that made it. Next up is, yes you guessed it, steak! I order it medium rare, but I’d say it was more medium. I’m surrounded by four beautiful dogs at this point so I couldn’t care less. Dessert is red velvet biscuit with ice cream. I’ve had four wines here to accompany the food, and the portions are generous. Plus they ask which one you liked most then fill up your glass. Luckily I’m not driving. It’s at this point I should point out, for my mother’s sake, that my bike came equipped with a helmet. Now whether I wore it or not is another thing…

The last bodega on my self guided bike tour is the man, the myth, the legend, Carmelo Patti. His reputation precedes him, and it’s easy to see why. He speaks barely any English, so if you don’t speak Spanish you might struggle to follow his tour. But regardless of language, what’s easy to understand is his passion for what he does and the wine he produces. Which by the way is delicious. Unfortunately I couldn’t buy any to take home, given I’m now travelling with hand luggage. Thanks Iberia. 

I head back to my Airbnb for a much needed dip in the pool. When I say pool, I mean hole in the ground with water, which I enter in my mis-matched bra and pants because my bikini is somewhere in Madrid. Nevertheless, it’s super refreshing and I’m only slightly embarrassed when Raul pops over with a pool towel. 

Dinner tonight is 25 minutes away at Cavas Wine Lodge, a 5 star hotel and winery. The location is absolutely stunning. If I ever find a man good enough to marry me, I may well do it here! 

Exiting my classy Fiat Uber, I’m greeted at the door of the chateau by my waiter who offers me a glass of red and shows me to my table. If there’s ever a time where I wish I had my nice clothes, this is it! The setting is incredible, and I have a table overlooking the vineyards and the mountains. A very romantic meal for one.

I have to say, at no point have I sat down to a meal here and felt hungry. The heat really does something to your appetite, and my stomach is full from the litres of water I’m drinking to stay hydrated! But, I soldier on regardless and do what I do best. Eat!

I settle on two courses. To start, I order the  vegetarian dish which is pumpkin wrapped in grilled zucchini with a creamy almond purée. It was unbelievably tasty, and nicely matched with a Sauvignon Blanc. They grow and serve their own wine here and you can’t drink or buy it anywhere else but in the hotel, which is a shame because it’s delicious. 

For main, I’d ordered the duck on suggestion of the waiter. I have to say I was disappointed. The duck was tough, I couldn’t cut it with my knife, and it was over salted. That’s what you get when you decide to have a break from beef!

I definitely got my moneys worth in wine though. I did the wine pairing with my courses, but they constantly top up your glass when you finish and don’t charge any extra. Which came in handy when I had to wait 30 minutes for my taxi to arrive. 

Day 6: Gauchos and asados!

I’m up bright and early for my 7am pick up. Today is my guacho experience day, one of the things I’ve been looking forward to most. 

It’s about a 2 hour drive to the ranch (El Rancho Rosario), but it takes Lucas, my driver, 3.5. We stop to pick up 5 kilos of meat and then spend the next hour driving back and forth along a dirt road looking for the entrance to the ranch. We stop at 4 farmhouses along the way to ask for directions. “Look for the two big rocks” they say. Very helpful, given there’s bloody rocks everywhere! As I’m losing the will to live, we finally find the entrance. 

The ranch is by a river in the middle of nowhere with the Andes mountain as a backdrop. I’ve been worse places. There to greet us is Gaucho Eduardo, Elena, who helps with Spanish translation when required, and her partner Gabriel. Thankfully I’m not doing the trip alone and I’m joined by Andy, a retired IT consultant from Kent. His wife and daughter are on a 3 day horse trek in the mountains with Jose, the owner of the ranch, and Andy stayed behind, not being a keen rider.

I arrived in shorts, but due to the sun, the chaffing and the branches, you really need to have your legs covered. With no other options, I end up in Andy’s hiking trousers. He’s over 6 feet, so you can imagine how well they fit me. I had to use the gaucho’s belt to stop them from falling down.

Looking the part, I clamber onto my horse, Bayo, and off we go. It’s apparent right from the start that Bayo doesn’t want to work. Who can blame him, it’s 33 degrees and I’ve eaten a LOT of steak. I find myself playing catch up most of the trek and I’m glad that it’s only a 2 hour ride! It was a great experience, and the scenery is spectacular, but my ass hurts and I’m ready for wine! 

We head down to the river where Lucas and Gabriel have been busy setting up our lunch spot and grilling the meats on the BBQ. The one thing I was intent on doing in Argentina was experience an authentic asado, and I couldn’t have asked for a better location or better company. We had different cuts of meats, chorizo sausages and grilled vegetables and it was all as delicious as I’d expected. So delicious that the dog nabbed a whole rack of ribs off the grill when we weren’t looking and bolted across the river. We were stuffed at that point anyway! 

At this point I’d have been driven back home, but Argentina are playing the Netherlands in an hour and football is life here. I couldn’t ask Lucas to miss the game to drive me home, and I wanted to see it myself. And what better way to experience the game than in a roadside bar in a small town in Mendoza with Argentinians! 

Watching a football match here is nothing like watching a game back home! When we enter the bar the match has started, and it’s absolute silence. I ask why, and I’m told it’s because everyone is very nervous. There’s also hardly anyone drinking alcohol (apart from Andy and I who are chugging beer at the back). If this was an England match, there’d have been countless fights by now and folk would be spewing out in the street. 

The place erupts when Argentina score their second goal, and everyone starts to relax, until the Netherlands start to make their come back. The equalising goal in the 10th minute of injury time was brutal to watch! When the penalties start, half the bar is outside smoking watching from window. It’s tense! Thankfully Argentina win on penalties and the place goes nuts! I’m extremely relieved as a 2 hour ride back home with a depressed Lucas wouldn’t have been fun! 

As we start our journey back, people are lining the streets waving flags and there’s cars driving around honking their horns. I ask Lucas where they’re going. Nowhere, he says. Just driving in circles celebrating. You’d think they’d have won the final! Never seen passion for football like it in my life! I can only imagine what the semi finals is going to be like on Tuesday. 

I get back to my Airbnb much later than expected and rush to my dinner reservation at Clos Chacras, a winery in the town centre. It’s a 3 course meal with wine pairings for less than £20. God bless Argentina. 

I order the duo of empanadas to start, which I have to say are some of the best I’ve had so far. I’ve eaten 5 kilos of meat today, so for main I order the ricotta and spinach pasta dumplings with carrot and parmesan. Dessert is a Malbec poached pear with a nut crumble, which I’m counting as one of my 5 a day. Completely exhausted, I head home to bed and pass out.

Mendoza has definitely been the highlight of my trip so far. Lovely scenery, lovely people and amazing food! Next stop, Salta!