Day 15: Ko Lanta

I'm aliveeeee! Just about. The scooter experience was both terrifying yet exhilarating. When I went to hire one from the guy at reception he was wary about the whole thing given I hadn't ridden one before. Then a girl passing by told me to be very very careful. Then my dad text me telling me I was nuts and it was very dangerous. So I'm already shitting my pants at this point. The guy hands me the key and says 'bike 8'. That's it. No instruction, no tutorial, no manual. I stood there for about 10 minutes trying to work out how to turn the bloody thing on. These things are much heavier than I had realised. 

I was about to give up and abort when I was approached by a young German girl called Marie asking if we wanted to share a scooter and travel together. After asking someone to show us how to work it, I had a go around the hotel area to make sure I was comfortable and then we were off. I don't know who had more balls, me for attempting to drive the thing all day or her for putting her life in my hands. I certainly wouldn't have trusted her to drive with me on the back. I like to be in control of my own fate. Once I got the hang of it it wasn't so bad, although there were a few wobbly moments (quite literally). With such short ass legs it's hard to steady the bike when you stop!

At one point Marie wanted to try it. I told her how to work it, she got on, turned the handle and went straight into a row of bikes. They fell like dominos. So embarrassing! She was fine bless her but didn't want to drive after that! Anyway, you can't 

get anywhere on this island without a scooter and I'm glad I did it as otherwise I wouldn't have seen all the amazing places I did today. We went to the very south of the island where the lighthouse and national park is. Then we stopped off at a few beaches along the way, including Nui Bay which is one of the nicest on the islands. I have to say I was relieved when I got back to the hostel after being on edge driving the whole day and that beer I had on the beach when I returned never tasted so good. 

The two of us watched the sunset and then I got chatting to another girl, Gigi, who is from France but lives in London and she's lovely. Soon enough we were joined by another girl from Amsterdam (this is a great hostel to meet people)! The four of us went out for dinner and some cocktails tonight then just chilled in the hostel. We've heard about a party tomorrow night in a tree house bar, so that sounds too good to miss.

Day 14: Limping in Lanta

So I haven't seen much of Koh Lanta yet, but what I've seen so far I like. The people are so friendly and the beaches are lined with loads of great little bars. When I arrived I walked along the beach and had some lunch. Unfortunately the weather wasn't that great, so when the heavens opened I used that as an excuse to take shelter and have my first Thai massage. I'm not quite sure what to make of it. She was pulling me all over the place, kicking me, slapping me, you name it. There was lots of bone cracking. Probably should've told her I had a hip op last year. So I could be feeling fabulous tomorrow, or I may not be able to walk. One or the other.

My hostel is super cute. Staff are lovely and it has a proper chilled out hippy vibe to it. I'm staying in a shared room with 3 other girls. I met one of them earlier, a not so chatty Romanian. Given my luck with roomies so far I'm not holding out hope for the other.

Tonight I walked a couple of miles down to long beach. It's so nice to sit out on the beach with a glass of wine (even though I'm paying UK prices for a decent glass). The only thing missing was a hunky man sitting next to me. But then he'd only be talking shit and ruining the moment. 

I had dinner at a place called May's restaurant, famous for its BBQ food. So I had a day off Thai food and went for BBQ rib and baked potato. It was amazing. Afterwards I went to Irie bar where I was joined by a lovely chap from Amsterdam. He'd been to the island 4 times so gave me a few good pointers. After a few drinks I decided to walk the 3 miles back to my hotel along the beach. I was thinking to myself how beautiful the ocean was and how lovely it was to walk in the warm water, until I stepped on a fucking sea urchin and it hurt like a bitch. I ended up limping 2km home. Between that and my Thai massage I'll be walking like a cripple tomorrow. 

This may be my last blog. I'm renting a scooter tomorrow to tour the island. Wish me luck 😐🏍

Day 13: Partied out on Phi Phi

Today was my last day in Phi Phi and it was mostly spent chilling out on the beach. I intended on going to a cooking class today, but then I remembered that Edinburgh is full of Thai restaurants, so I don't really see the point. Plus I don't really fancy cooking in a kitchen for 2 hours when it's 32 degrees outside.

I went to a really nice beachside bar called Sunflower tonight for a few cocktails. I've drank every day since I've been here. I can't seem to get through the day without one. I may be coming home with a problem, if I didn't already have one. I ended up having dinner there too, another Thai curry obviously. I was joined for dinner by a little furry friend who I named Noodles. I would've fed it some of my beef curry but it was rather spicy. I may be coming home with a backpack full of cats. 

I ended the night in Carlitos (aka my local). There was live music on tonight so it was nice to have a more chilled out evening. I went for it and ordered a red wine tonight. Never again. It was like drinking syrup.

Ferry to ko lanta tomorrow, which is going to be far less busy and far more relaxed. 

Day 12: Kho Phi Phi - Bob's Booze Cruise

I peed in the sea today. I don't think I've done that since I was 5. It felt dirty and I was very conscious that I was also swimming in the piss of hundreds of other people. But I was on a 6 hour booze cruise with no toilet, so needs must. Today was awesome though. Bob's booze cruise was fab. It's a 6 hour unlimited booze speedboat tour of the islands, including Maya bay (where The Beach was filmed). We stopped at about 4 places, including Monkey Beach which is, unsurprisingly, full of cute little monkeys that you get to feed. We did some snorkelling and then heading to Maya bay where we spent a good hour diaper drinking i.e. wearing your life jacket like a nappy and floating around in the sea drinking vodka. Good times.

I learnt a lot about Phi Phi today from one of the guides on the boat. She told us the island is controlled by the mafia, which I had no idea about. She also told us she slept with Niall from One Direction last year when he was here on holiday and that he wasn't very good in bed. 

I met a bunch of nice people, including a couple from South Wales, a few Americans and a loud
mouth guy from Nottingham (there's always one, he just so happened to be British and therefore gave us a bad rep). Funnily enough, the three girls in my dorm were also on the cruise. And as it turns out, they were actually Canadian, not American, and all three were lovely. So that'll teach me not to judge so quickly. Well, it probably won't, I'll still do it. I ended up spending the night with them and going for dinner and drinks.

Day 11: Kho Phi Phi

Phi Phi is beautiful. I'm not entirely sure what I expected, but I like how small the island is and spent most of the afternoon wandering through all the little streets sussing the place out. Unfortunately it was low tide so the beach wasn't great today. I also climbed the endless steps to phi phi viewpoint. Don't think I've ever sweated as much in my life. My feet were that slippy from sweat that I kept sliding out my flip flops on the hills! It was worth the effort though as the views were fab, although again would be been better if the tide was in. I found a nice beachside bar to have a well earned beer before heading back to the room to shower.

My hostel is...adequate. The staff aren't the friendliest and the shower cubicles are full of mosquitos, but then again I'm paying £14 a night. I'm in a 6 bed female dorm. When I got there, three of the girls were asleep in bed. It was 2pm so I'm assuming they we're still recovering from the night before. I'd later discover they were American and the other two girls sounded Slovakian. I have to say, they barely acknowledged 

my presence so something tells me I won't be making friends and tagging along with them!

I went to Carlitos by the beach for a Bahama mama cocktail (yum, but not a patch on my mums, she's more liberal with the booze). I wasn't that hungry so for dinner I had a chicken salad at Unni's. I was sat next to some chubby, loud mouth chick from Minnesota with the most incredibly annoying accent, so I ate quickly and left.

I went to Slinky's bar on the beach where I caught the end of the fire show. Loud pumping music, topless guys dancing on benches with fags hanging out of their mouths and a bottle of beer in both hands, scantily clad girls gyrating in the sand holding their buckets of vodka red bull, a guy off his face on drugs dancing like he's having a seizure. Welcome to Phi Phi. Then some guy passed out drunk in front of me and face planted on the floor. I'd say I felt old, but if my friends were here I'd be slut dropping in the sand like the rest of them! Julie, if there was ever time I needed you here it's tonight. The music was right up our street. 

I finished the night in Muay Thai reggae bar. Drunk customers fighting for a free bucket of booze. What a great idea. I'm gonna open one in scotland, but with knives and glass bottles as opposed to boxing gloves. As I was walking home I saw a guy puke into his cocktail bucket and a girl getting her ass tattooed. Then when I got back to my hotel I saw two stray cats shagging. I do not belong here. 

To my surprise, I got back to the dorm room to find all 5 girls asleep in bed. And here I thought they'd be the ones disturbing me when they stumble home. Apparently I'm the party animal staying out until 1230...oh well, booze cruise to tomorrow 🍹🍺

Day 10: Phuket - Beached Whale

Today I have done the square root of fuck all, and I've got a burnt stomach to show for it. I started the day with good intentions, as I had planned to hike to Big Buddha statue and viewpoint. However, when I asked the girl at reception she said it was a fairly steep climb and would take 1.5 hours each way. I swiftly moved on from that notion and instead plonked myself down on the beach and spent the day being a lazy bitch. As much as I think beaches are great to look at, the sand really gets on my tits, especially if you're in and out of the water. My tan is very patchy for where sand has stuck to parts of my body I look diseased.I'd rather have a pool. But this is Thailand. Beaches is what it's about here. 

For lunch I found a nice place close to the beach called Red Chopsticks. I had spicy beef Thai salad, which wasn't actually that spicy (fine by me as I can't handle it) and chicken satay. Another great meal, I've yet to be disappointed and I've yet to have a dodgy stomach. Touch wood. 

I'm looking forward to heading to Phi Phi tomorrow. It's nice here, but it's mainly couples and families. I think it'll be easier to meet people elsewhere. 

Day 9: Pad Thai in Phuket

I arrived in Thailand today, and so far it's exactly how I imagined it would be. Great beaches, amazing food and cheap beer. My first stop when I arrived was the pad Thai shop. I'd heard good things about it and I hadn't eaten all day. The place was heaving and it took about 20 minutes until I was served, but it was worth the wait. When it arrived I sprinkled a generous helping of chilli flakes, not realising quite how spicy they were. When you're already sweating profusely, the last thing you need is more heat. 

For the remainder of the afternoon, i plonked myself down on Karon beach and had a dip in the ocean. The water was pretty warm, so it wasn't the best for cooling off, but the water is so clean and clear.

This evening I found a great Thai place called Bae Toey. I had the Thai green curry which was served with steamed rice in the shape of a bear! I loved that more than I probably should have. Anyway, the food was amazing. Afterwards I went to a couple of bars, enjoyed a couple of beers and listened to some mediocre live music. Karon is a lot livelier than I thought. So many bars and restaurants. I'm really glad I didn't stay in Patong, the scene here is plenty for an old thing like me.

Day 8: Kuala Lumpur- Cocktails n Curry

This morning I walked to KLCC. I had some time to kill so I found a nearby shopping centre and ended up buying a bag load of clothes, even though I don't have enough room in my backpack as it is 🤔. I think I'm going to have to throw some stuff out when I re-pack tonight. 

The tour up the Petronas Towers was pretty good, although you have to take 4 different elevators just to get to the top. The views were great though. After the tour I found an amazing North Indian curry place called Tg Nasi Kanda. I can't remember the name of my dish, all I know is it was the best curry I've had in my life. 

This evening I went to Sky bar at Taverns Hotel for a cocktail, as I was told by various people that this had the best view of Petronas at night. It's not that they were wrong, it's just that all the good tables beside the windows were taken and there was no AC in the joint. I got a quick photo and left. If I were to do it again I'd choose Heli rooftop bar instead.

I then went back to Jalan Alor and had some black pepper beef at Chu Cha which was nice, but spicy. I hit a couple of bars and was joined by Gonzalo, an Argentinian who had just split up with his girlfriend of 10 years, had quit his job and decided to go travelling. I helped him download Tinder. We both got chatting to a guy, Bradley, in his 50s from Dudley who was here for a wedding, and I managed to convince them both to come to salsa at Havana where they did a great job of holding my bag while I danced. 

KL done, time for Thailand!

Day 7: Kuala Lumpur - Bats n Rats

This morning I ventured north of the city to the Batu Caves. I tell you, if you're not being harassed by people in this town, you're being harassed by monkeys! All the way up the steps to the cave (and there are a lot of steps) you have to dodge some very cute, but naughty, monkeys who try to snatch your bag. I did a 45 minute tour of one of the main caves there which was interesting. All you hear when you go in is the shriek of bats, apparently there are over 200,000 of them. There are also plenty of snakes and rare spiders so it's a real treat for anyone who has a phobia of either, or of the dark for that matter, since there is zero visibility inside.

When I got back to the city I had lunch in a Chinese place which I'd read about online. The thought of it is still making me gag quite honestly. I'm not entirely sure what it was, I think it was thick noodles with soy sauce served with what appeared to be beef and mini tentacled creatures. Needless to say when I saw said creatures I stopped eating, downed my beer and left. As I was meandering through Chinatown, I took a shortcut through an alleyway where I encountered a dozen or so rats. Quite possibly that was the meat like substance on my plate.

Then I wondered around the tat stalls at the Central Market. I don't have room in my backpack to buy anything (so to all my friends and family, don't be expecting any presents). I hid in a Reggae bar and had a cocktail when the rain started. It's like clockwork here. It's beautiful sunshine up until 5pm when it starts to rain for most of the night. 

As I was getting ready to head out for the night the thunder storm set in. I've never heard thunder like it, it was like cannon fire. I had planned to head to salsa again tonight but it's too far away in this weather, so I headed to a nearby restaurant called Old China House. After the disaster at lunch I went for the fail safe beef rendang. I could barely keep my eyes open after so back to the hotel to watch the sopranos on the iPad and get an early night.

Day 6: Kuala Lumpur

Day 6: Kuala Lumpur 

I don't like this city. It's a bit dirty, it's super touristy, and you're hassled for something or other wherever you go. I'm staying in Chinatown. Petaling Street, which runs right through the middle, is back to back stalls of pushy salesman selling cheap knock off handbags, watches and sunglasses. Getting from one end to the other is like running the gauntlet.

This afternoon i trekked to the Bird Park, which is the world's largest walk-in aviary. I imagine, if you like birds, then you could probably spend the whole day there, given the huge variety of species they have. It was a good way to spend the afternoon. 

I got back to the hotel, had a much needed shower, and slapped on some eau de Jungle Formula 50% deet before hitting the town. As much as I don't love the city, I had a cracking night! I went to the famous Jalan Alor street for some street food. I'd read about Wong Ah Wah and their chicken wings, so obviously that was my first stop. They were good, with a nice sticky sweet glaze and chilli sauce. And no dad, they weren't as good as those served in the Phoenix Dundee! Although they were nowhere near as spicy here! My next stop was dim sum. I didn't particularly enjoy them, a bit stodgy and gloopy and so I ended up throwing them out. Then I found the holy grail. A sweet potato fries stand. Orgasmic. I also came across a stand that sold marmite fried frog.  Sure. Why not. Cause frogs aren't rank enough on their own....

I then headed along bukit bintang (the night spot). As I was speaking to one of the bar reps, a fellow scot heard my accent and started chatting away to me. His name was Niall from Brechin, but living and working in KL in the oil industry for 6 years. He was very well known to the bar staff, I think he frequented the place daily. The norm here is for people to buy bottles of spirits to keep behind the bar as it's cheaper. So I had two vodkas (I didn't refuse or feel guilty after he told me he lived in an apartment overlooking the Petronas towers). He then drove home, because apparently drink driving is widely accepted here. Before leaving he gave me his business card and told me to call him if I had any problems. Sure thing Niall, will do 🤔

I then went to a club called Havana where they have salsa on Sundays. My feet were so swollen from the heat that I didn't think I was gonna get my shoes on. I met a lovely Indian chap called Roy who had a bottle of Jameson behind the bar, which he happily shared with me. He drank it with ginger ale, which I found odd, but I liked it. Basically at this point I've paid for one drink all night. I sweated it out on the dance floor for a good few hours. There were a few decent dancers, and a lot of average ones, but I was just glad to find salsa! Apparently they have it every night here so I'm sorted for the rest of my stay. 

Roy kindly offered me a ride home. At this point he's polished off at least 5 double measures of Jameson. Eh, nah mate, you're alright, I'll walk.

Bed time 😴

Day 5: Penang

This morning I went to the China House for cake. I chose banana and coconut which was amazing. I pottered around for a bit to kill time before a tour of Penang Hill and Kek Lok Si temple. I have a feeling that by the end of this two month period I'll be sick of the sight of temples. Penang hill was worth a visit though for nice views across the city. There were only 3 of us on the tour, some whiny American chick and a scrawny guy from the netherlands whose personality was on a par with Andy Murrays. 

Tonight I went to Hameediyah Tandoori House and had beef rendang. It may have looked like shit on a plate but it was really tasty. Curry is never going to be the same when I get back home now. I'll always be disappointed. 

Early night for me to catch my flight to Kuala Lumpur tomorrow!

Day 4: Penang

I love Penang! It's a welcome change from a big imposing city like Singapore. I much prefer these smaller towns with heaps more character. Plus I don't have to sell my body to buy a beer around here, everything is so cheap. The people are friendly too. On my way to Chew Jetty I was accosted by a group of young teenagers telling me how beautiful I was and asking to take a photo with me. Obviously i was suspicious and thought it was a ploy to steal my bag or something. But no, they really did just want a picture with the pale Scottish girl. 

There are no pavements here and I've only seen one people crossing, so trying to get from one side of the street to the other has been rather challenging. But I've decided to adopt the locals approach and just start walking and hope for the best. I have travel insurance anyway so it's all good. 

I'm staying in a traditional heritage house which is really cute. They insist on you taking your shoes off before you go upstairs anywhere here which is rather inconsiderate given how much of a hassle the buckles of my sandals can be, not to mention the state my feet were in by the end of the day. 

I went to a cafe called Jawi house for lunch. On my way there I walked past a chicken stall with rows upon rows of crated chickens. The stench was hideous. However, two minutes later I was eating one of them, and my god it was delicious! I had lemuni rice with chicken curry. If I get the shits tomorrow, it's been totally worth it. 

Tonight I paid £1 for my dinner. I couldn't even get a chomp for a pound back home these days! I wasn't even that hungry,  but I'm only here a couple of days and I have a list of foods to try, so I didn't have a choice. Tonight was Nasi Lemak (fried chicken with rice and curry sauce). The chicken was yum, and nothing like KFC. Just the right amount of spice for me too.

I then headed to Upper Penang street for some drinks. It's a bit like your typical holiday spot there where they try to hustle you into bars, but there's no 18 year old girls falling about with their baps out and puking into their handbags. I found Chulia Street to be a much better bar scene. I ended up in a bar called Reggae Club and it was fab. All the travellers that stopped by, the barmaid would just heard us all onto one big table and it ended up being 7/8 nationalities squeezed around this tiny bar. Everyone was lovely, other than some weird Essex lad who sat smoking on the periphery the whole night. The plan is to meet up with a few of them again for more of the same tomorrow. Random nights like that are always the best. I was going to walk by it but decided to stop for one drink, and 3 hours later I'm stumbling into bed at 1am...

Day 5:

This morning I went to the China House for cake. I chose banana and coconut which was amazing. I pottered around for a bit to kill time before a tour of Penang Hill and Kek Lok Si temple. I have a feeling that by the end of this two month period I'll be sick of the sight of temples. Penang hill was worth a visit though for nice views across the city. There were only 3 of us on the tour, some whiny American chick and a scrawny guy from the netherlands whose personality was on a par with Andy Murrays. 

Tonight I went to Hameediyah Tandoori House and had beef rendang. It may have looked like shit on a plate but it was really tasty. Curry is never going to be the same when I get back home now. I'll always be disappointed. 

Early night for me to catch my flight to Kuala Lumpur tomorrow!

Day 3: Singapore

This morning I took a walk to Gardens by the Bay where I had the most amazing chicken satay. Then I ended up heading to the Botanic Gardens as I had nothing else to do.

This is evening I went to Ce La Vi bar at the top of Marina Sands hotel. I met a lovely Slovakian girl called Katarina there. I told her I was in Bratislava recently and she asked my honest opinion on what I thought. So I told her it was a shithole and that I wouldn't be going back, but that I very much enjoyed the AK47 shooting. Luckily she laughed and agreed. 

I'm glad I leave tomorrow. 3 nights here is more than enough. Any more than that then I would've got bored. That said, I walked by a Hooters tonight and theyre hiring. Potentially the new job opportunity I've been waiting for.

Roll on Malaysia.

Day 2: Singapore

Day 2:

I met my bunkmate and her friend last night. She seems nice enough, but then she doesn't speak a word of English so she could be a total arsehole and I'd be none the wiser. Given the ladder down from the bunk bed straddles both of our beds, I did have to climb over her in the dark to get down, so I feel we've bonded on some level. 

I made friends today. They may have been in their late 60s and called Mary and Agnes, but that still counts! And funnily enough they were from Edinburgh. I met them while queuing for Raffles hotel where they kindly asked if I wanted to join them. Scottish people really are the friendliest. The famous Singapore sling was pretty damn good, as it should be given I paid £17 for it. I would've swiped the glass for that price had I had room in my backpack. 

Other than that, the day was spent pottering/exploring. Clocked around 9 miles today, so I deserved the two lunches I ate. I went to some Singapore history museum, for no other reason than I needed an hour of air con. If you like history though, I'd imagine this is a pretty good one.

Had my best meal yet at an Indonesian place called Bayana at Clarke's quay. I had the beef rendang and it was fab! Should've put Indonesia on my itinerary. Tomorrow I'm putting myself on a rice and noodle ban. Some guy on the metro offered me his seat today. I'm convinced he mistook my bloated belly for a baby. 

Ended up in a Latin bar called Cuba Libre tonight. It was ladies night which meant the drinks were only very expensive as opposed to obscenely expensive. I couldn't live in Singapore. I couldn't afford to fund my alcohol problem here. Anyway, the band were shit and nobody was dancing, so I packed my shoes for no reason. Hoping to find at least one decent salsa joint while I'm away, but it ain't in Singapore. 

Day 1: Singapore

After a rather seamless journey I have arrived in Singapore. Much to my disappointment, I was not upgraded to business class on the journey here. That said, cabin manager, Moamen, took a shine to me while I was stretching my legs and for the duration of the flight allowed me to use the business class toilets and served me the better quality business class red wine. Sometimes it pays to be blonde. 

Travel Itinerary

When I was made redundant from my job earlier this year, there was no doubt in my mind that I would take some time out to go travelling. This kind of opportunity doesn’t happen often (at least I hope not) and I am fortunate enough to be in a position where there is no financial pressure to find another job straight away. The only hard decision was deciding where I wanted to go. Ultimately it came down to South America or Asia. Whilst speaking the language would have made the former an easier option, the diversity of cultures in Asia was a bigger draw. Ok, that’s bollocks, I wanted me some thai food and didn’t fancy being kidnapped and sold as a sex slave for a Colombian drug lord.

So, my adventure will begin on Monday 13^th February and the itinerary will be as follows:

13^th – 17^th Feb: Singapore

17^th – 19^th Feb: Penang, Malaysia

19^th – 22^nd Feb: Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia

22^nd – 24^th Feb: Phuket

24^th – 27^th Feb: Ko Phi Phi

27^th – 2^nd March: Ko Lanta

2^nd – 4^th March: Koh Tao

4^th – 6^th March: Koh Phangan

6^th – 9^th March: Koh Samui

9^th – 11^th March: Chiang Mai

11^th- 14^th March: Bangkok

14^th – 17^th March: Siem Reap, Cambodia

17^th – 20^th March: Phnom Penh, Cambodia

20^th – 23^rd March: Ho Chi Minh (Saigon) Vietnam

23^rd – 24^th March: Hue, Vietnam

24^th 25^th March: Da Nang, Vietnam

25^th – 27^th March: Hoi An, Vietnam

27^th – 1^st April: Hanoi, Vietnam

1^st – 5^th April: Hong Kong

5^th – 8^th April: Shanghai, China

8^th – 11^th April: Beijing, China

11^th- 13^th April: Osaka, Japan

13^th – 15^th April: Kyoto, Japan

15^th – 19^th April: Tokyo, Japan